Rice: very ma fan

WASHINGTON, Oct. 13 (Xinhua) -- U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice will visit Japan, South Korea and China on Oct. 17-22, Assistant Secretary of State for East Asian affairs Christopher Hill said on Friday.

The key part of Rice's trip will focus on making sure the UN Security Council resolution to be passed on imposing sanctions on the Democratic People's Republic of Korea (DPRK) "will really have teeth," Hill said.

Condoleezza Rice, if you're reading this (and I know you are): FUCK OFF LAH. DO NOT COME TO CHINA. You're not welcome.

Wherever you and your bullying cohorts go, there extends a cloud of misery and threats. You are coming to ensure sanctions against North Korea are really going "to have teeth" - well what if China doesn't want to sanction North Korea? Are you going to threaten to bomb China "back to the stone age" like you did with Pakistan?

You thought five of the six-party nations would roll over with shock and outrage at North Korea's announced nuclear test but now things are not going your way, you're planning a little hate-tour of Asia. Japan, South Korea and China.

Behind the scenes, the political games must be more complicated than the plot outline for the new Dan Brown thriller. And just as formulaic.

Within minutes of the alleged nuclear test, US geological offices announced they had NO seismic record of the event.

www.guardian.co.uk - October 8 AM The U.S. Geological Survey said it had detected no seismic activity in North Korea, although it was not clear whether a blast would be strong enough for its sensors.

This was no doubt to give the Bush administration time to awaken from their slumbers, brush their bloodthirsty teeth and plan a suitable response. Several hours later, US geological offices were practically the ONLY seismic experts in the world quoted by the press.

AP - October 8 PM The U.S. Geological Survey said it has recorded a seismic event with a preliminary magnitude of 4.2 in northeastern North Korea that coincided with the country's announced nuclear test.

Their press releases were as finely crafted as the "good old shoe" song in Wag the Dog, complete with neat headline-friendly seismic graphs. The Guardian UK ran with the graph half page: "This is the moment North Korea became a nuclear power".

(As an aside, according to French geologists, North Korea detonated nothing more than a gigantic brown paper bag. The explosion's seismic signature identified the bag as the packaging for the French luxury food hamper arrived at the North Korean government offices last week. Luxury goods sanctions? "Qu'es que c'est, un 'sanction'?")

But the US geologists have now been replaced with more CIA-reliable science - secret radiation reports from CIA spies in North Korea. Their results are still inconclusive - the last thing the US wants right now is conclusive evidence of real testing either way. But secret raditation reports are much easier to maniuplate than seismic scientists.

The CIA will have to "silence" less geologists this way. It's better for Earth Science as a whole.

Expect the story of exactly who or what the North Korean's blew up to unravel like a political thriller. Who cares? North Korea SAYS it conducted a nuclear test. A real explosion or not is irrelevant; since it has said it would never strike first with nuclear weapons if it had them, its intentions are clearly to annoy the rest of the six-party nations and give itself some political manouevering room at the hungry-dog table. It has been treated like shit by the international community, particularly the US. Now it wants some respect.

It doesn't look like it's gonna get it. Rice plans this little junket around Asia to press for further sanctions. She will visit South Korea, Japan and China. Why not North Korea? It is a bona fide six-party member, even though it has stained its record of late. Why is Rice going around behind it like that, like a double-crossing bitch?

The whole point of the six-party talks is to allow each state - including North Korea - a frank forum for discussing North Korea's nuclear weapon's testing.

It makes me sick that this bully Rice is going around like a schoolyard sneak. Rice's visit to China is pathetic snivelling behaviour at best - at worst, if threats are involved, it's just plain old bullying.

And you know what they say about bullies? Well, pick your insult. Did the US wet its bed as a child? Did its mother not love it? Is it hopelessley insecure?

China is unlikely to bow to even Rice's smallest demands, but her presence here is going to make for some nasty name calling and all-round China-hating in the international press.

I can only hope that, upon Rice's arrival at Beijing Immigration, the infrared body temperature cameras glow bright red. "Sorry dear. You're running too hot. Perhaps a fever. Perhaps it's bird flu. We're going to have to place you into quarantine for six weeks. You wouldn't want to spread bird flu around Asia now would you?"

And then the rest of the six parties can get along and decipher this whole political game without the hair tugging of the spoilt kid who wants everything for herself.